PPAP Smear Leads to Uncomfortable Burning: Pen-Pineapple-Apple-Pen Sheet Mask Review

Angela (to Renee and Indya): LADIES!!! I have a very speshul present for you.

Indya: Does it involve cutting out lolcat talk?

Angela: Me haz no idea what zis hooman is talking about. Ahem–*whips out package*–feast your eyes on this.

Renee (eyes widening): Ooh, aaah. It’s so big! It’s so firm! It’s so…pineappley?! OMG it’s the heartthrob Pikotaro. Sooooo much better than your girly male Korean pop star masks!

Angela: I’m going to pretend you didn’t just wound the deepest part of my soul. Anyhoo, I got each of us a Pen-Pineapple-Apple-Pen (PPAP) sheet mask. You get a PPAP smear, you get a PPAP smear, EVERYONE gets a PPAP smear!

Renee: PPAP is the best thing that will ever happen to you. Watch this while wearing the above sheet mask and you will be just as beautiful as Pikotaro:

Angela: Beauty was never more in the eye of the beholder. Now that you’ve driven away our five readers (hi bye, Mom!), let’s get our mask on!

Pikotaro Pack-Pineapple-Apple-Pack Review

Indya (reading ingredients list): I’m allergic to pineapple, but there’s no way this pineapple mask can go wrong. *slaps on mask*

Indya: Hm. A little burny.

Angela: The apple one’s a little burny, too.

Indya: AAACCCK!! Very burny! *tears off mask*

Renee: Amateurs! That’s the tenderizing tingle of youth flooding your pores. I’m enjoying this, but I also get lip injections, bathe in the blood of virgin male models, and sleep upside down to avoid wrinkles, so YMMV.

Renee: My only critique is that this mask makes it hard to attract said virgins for said bath (full review coming). Even lounging in bed and come-hither eyes can’t make ME as good-looking as Pikotaro. This mask captures his features well–all except that je ne sais quoi that hypnotized millions.

Angela: At $6 a pop (from Ume Cosme in NY), I expected a tiny bit more than gimmicks. The print and the apple/pineapple scents didn’t disappoint, but the fabric’s as stiff as his “dancing” and irritation is the opposite of what I want in a sheet mask. Swiping LEFT on this one.

No, I don’t want to see your pineapple pen.

Pikotaro Pack-Pineapple-Apple-Pack Ingredients

The ingredients in each pack are identical, except that the pineapple has pineapple water and the apple has apple oil. *CONTAINS NO PEN* Click to enlarge ingredients:

Just as I am confused over whether PPAP marks the nadir or the zenith of humanity, this mask is confused about whether it’s made in Japan or Korea.

Do I really care? Nah. Just wanted an excuse to cover Baldy and Cony with pineapples.



Because you’ve read this far, you seem like the type of person who’d be into my balls!  Sunscreen balls, that is.  I (Angela) came up with the idea of a moisturizer+SPF in a pearl capsule, and Volition Beauty will actually make it if I get enough votes from YOU.  Vote by Mon. April 3rd and you’ll also be entered to win over $200 of Volition skincare.  Just click here or on the banner below to vote (one vote/entry per email).


Read more about how I chose the prizes here. Good luck, and thanks for supporting my balls!

7 Replies to “PPAP Smear Leads to Uncomfortable Burning: Pen-Pineapple-Apple-Pen Sheet Mask Review”

  1. haha. i had no idea who this dude was and now, thanks to you, i will be humming that ‘i have a pen. i have an apple. i have a apple pen’ tune all day today.

  2. I just tried out the Apple pack! And yes—it really burns! I think it’s because of the sugar maple extract though—it’s suppose to work as a natural AHA.

    Either way, it was fun and I did the ppap dance at my boyfriend.

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