Angela (to Renee and Indya): LADIES!!! I have a very speshul present for you.
Indya: Does it involve cutting out lolcat talk?
Angela: Me haz no idea what zis hooman is talking about. Ahem–*whips out package*–feast your eyes on this.
Renee (eyes widening): Ooh, aaah. It’s so big! It’s so firm! It’s so…pineappley?! OMG it’s the heartthrob Pikotaro. Sooooo much better than your girly male Korean pop star masks!
Angela: I’m going to pretend you didn’t just wound the deepest part of my soul. Anyhoo, I got each of us a Pen-Pineapple-Apple-Pen (PPAP) sheet mask. You get a PPAP smear, you get a PPAP smear, EVERYONE gets a PPAP smear!
Renee: PPAP is the best thing that will ever happen to you. Watch this while wearing the above sheet mask and you will be just as beautiful as Pikotaro:
Angela: Beauty was never more in the eye of the beholder. Now that you’ve driven away our five readers (
hi bye, Mom!), let’s get our mask on!
Pikotaro Pack-Pineapple-Apple-Pack Review
Indya (reading ingredients list): I’m allergic to pineapple, but there’s no way this pineapple mask can go wrong. *slaps on mask*
Angela: The apple one’s a little burny, too.
Indya: AAACCCK!! Very burny! *tears off mask*
Renee: Amateurs! That’s the tenderizing tingle of youth flooding your pores. I’m enjoying this, but I also get lip injections, bathe in the blood of virgin male models, and sleep upside down to avoid wrinkles, so YMMV.
Renee: My only critique is that this mask makes it hard to attract said virgins for said bath (full review coming). Even lounging in bed and come-hither eyes can’t make ME as good-looking as Pikotaro. This mask captures his features well–all except that je ne sais quoi that hypnotized millions.
Angela: At $6 a pop (from Ume Cosme in NY), I expected a tiny bit more than gimmicks. The print and the apple/pineapple scents didn’t disappoint, but the fabric’s as stiff as his “dancing” and irritation is the opposite of what I want in a sheet mask. Swiping LEFT on this one.
Pikotaro Pack-Pineapple-Apple-Pack Ingredients
The ingredients in each pack are identical, except that the pineapple has pineapple water and the apple has apple oil. *CONTAINS NO PEN* Click to enlarge ingredients:
Because you’ve read this far, you seem like the type of person who’d be into my balls! Sunscreen balls, that is. I (Angela) came up with the idea of a moisturizer+SPF in a pearl capsule, and Volition Beauty will actually make it if I get enough votes from YOU. Vote by Mon. April 3rd and you’ll also be entered to win over $200 of Volition skincare. Just click here or on the banner below to vote (one vote/entry per email).
Read more about how I chose the prizes here. Good luck, and thanks for supporting my balls!