PPAP Smear Leads to Uncomfortable Burning: Pen-Pineapple-Apple-Pen Sheet Mask Review

Angela (to Renee and Indya): LADIES!!! I have a very speshul present for you.

Indya: Does it involve cutting out lolcat talk?

Angela: Me haz no idea what zis hooman is talking about. Ahem–*whips out package*–feast your eyes on this.

Renee (eyes widening): Ooh, aaah. It’s so big! It’s so firm! It’s so…pineappley?! OMG it’s the heartthrob Pikotaro. Sooooo much better than your girly male Korean pop star masks!

Angela: I’m going to pretend you didn’t just wound the deepest part of my soul. Anyhoo, I got each of us a Pen-Pineapple-Apple-Pen (PPAP) sheet mask. You get a PPAP smear, you get a PPAP smear, EVERYONE gets a PPAP smear!

Renee: PPAP is the best thing that will ever happen to you. Watch this while wearing the above sheet mask and you will be just as beautiful as Pikotaro:

Angela: Beauty was never more in the eye of the beholder. Now that you’ve driven away our five readers (hi bye, Mom!), let’s get our mask on!

Pikotaro Pack-Pineapple-Apple-Pack Review

Indya (reading ingredients list): I’m allergic to pineapple, but there’s no way this pineapple mask can go wrong. *slaps on mask*

Indya: Hm. A little burny.

Angela: The apple one’s a little burny, too.

Indya: AAACCCK!! Very burny! *tears off mask*

Renee: Amateurs! That’s the tenderizing tingle of youth flooding your pores. I’m enjoying this, but I also get lip injections, bathe in the blood of virgin male models, and sleep upside down to avoid wrinkles, so YMMV.

Renee: My only critique is that this mask makes it hard to attract said virgins for said bath (full review coming). Even lounging in bed and come-hither eyes can’t make ME as good-looking as Pikotaro. This mask captures his features well–all except that je ne sais quoi that hypnotized millions.

Angela: At $6 a pop (from Ume Cosme in NY), I expected a tiny bit more than gimmicks. The print and the apple/pineapple scents didn’t disappoint, but the fabric’s as stiff as his “dancing” and irritation is the opposite of what I want in a sheet mask. Swiping LEFT on this one.

Pikotaro Pack-Pineapple-Apple-Pack Ingredients

The ingredients in each pack are identical, except that the pineapple has pineapple water and the apple has apple oil. *CONTAINS NO PEN* Click to enlarge ingredients:

Just as I am confused over whether PPAP marks the nadir or the zenith of humanity, this mask is confused about whether it’s made in Japan or Korea.

Do I really care? Nah. Just wanted an excuse to cover Baldy and Cony with pineapples.

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Because you’ve read this far, you seem like the type of person who’d be into my balls!  Sunscreen balls, that is.  I (Angela) came up with the idea of a moisturizer+SPF in a pearl capsule, and Volition Beauty will actually make it if I get enough votes from YOU.  Vote by Mon. April 3rd and you’ll also be entered to win over $200 of Volition skincare.  Just click here or on the banner below to vote (one vote/entry per email).

Read more about how I chose the prizes here. Good luck, and thanks for supporting my balls!